So in one week, I’m making my dream come true.
I’ve quit my job, and I’ve bought a one-way ticket.
You would think I would be more excited, rather than a bundle of nerves and not being able to sleep until the early hours most nights even though I feel very tired and as it stands, I don’t actually have to do anything with my days at the moment (other than work on my own projects and get my shit together!).
Don’t get me wrong, at some points throughout the day I do suddenly get that excited, elevating feeling, but it does quickly drop. It gives way to a wave of nerves that rolls through my stomach.
In 7 days I am stepping into the unknown.
It’s like peering into thick fog, not being able to see your hand in front of you face, and people expecting a clear description of your surroundings. “ What are you going to do?” “Where are you going to go”? “What is your plan?”
I really, really don’t know.
I know I can be ditzy and absent minded. I feel like a child learning to ride a bike, wobbling precariously and just about avoiding disaster.
I’m filled with the sort of self doubt I’m sure all fledgling writers have – Am I even any good at this? Do people even enjoy my work? Will I ever reap anything from it or will it always remain a hobby whilst I plod on with something I don’t enjoy doing?
The thing is, if you’re reading this at the time it was written, you’re right here with me at the very beginning of my journey. I’m not an established blogger, a veteran explorer or a knowledgeable solo traveller. I have no idea what I’m doing. I hope that in the future, I can say that has changed, but who knows.
A lot of people don’t seem to understand the worries that come with a trip like this. I don’t quite have the budget that I wanted, sure, I think I will have enough, but I am worried I won’t. I know in my head, that if all else fails, I definitely have enough money to get me home, but that doesn’t STOP the nervous feelings or the worry.
When I voice these concerns, people say “Well, you’re planning on working aren’t you? So it will be fine!” but I am worried that I won’t be able to find work.
I guess as well, part of me is still in disbelief. It still doesn’t quite seem real, and it probably won’t until I’m at the airport. I’ve spent half of my life dreaming about doing this, and telling people I’m going to, but never actually followed through.
I’m sure I will love it once I am there and meet plenty of people, and discover plenty of opportunities. Doubt and nerves are natural and I’m sure I can’t be the only one.
I want this blog to be about real life experiences, and I want it to be honest. I won’t pretend to play it cool and act as if everything is fine and that I know what I’m doing, because I don’t!
I don’t plan on making anything look easy when it’s not. I am hoping this time next year, I will be able to turn around to people and say “Well, if I managed to do it, then you sure as hell can!”
What do you think? What were your thoughts and feelings before making a drastic life choice? Do you get pre-travel jitters?