My top worst hostel experiences

Everyone seems to love the awful, cringey, scary or dirty tales more than they want to hear about the lovely place you stayed with the comfy bed and delicious breakfast platter.

I’ve stayed in plenty of wonderful hostels but I’ve had my fair share of bad experiences which people tend to find highly amusing, so here is a list to make you giggle today of my worst hostel experiences

1. Drunks pissing in the dorm
   I had heard horror stories of this happening but never imagined that it would happen to me. Whilst staying in a dorm, a drunk Irish man had decided that waking me up twice with his loud drunken antics wasn’t quite sufficient enough. I woke up to the sound of water running close to my head, and opened my eyes to find him standing next to my bed, pissing up against the wall! Some pretty colourful language came out of my mouth, but at least it didn’t go on any of my stuff!
2. People having sex
   In Vietnam, I woke up at 5am momentarily believing that there was an earthquake because my bed was shaking so violently. Rather quickly I realised that there was a rhythm to the swaying of my bed, accompanied by some moaning behind the headboard. Again, some pretty colourful language to my dorm mates and knocking on the headboard seemed to do the trick.
3. The puker
   I never ascertained whether he had food poisoning or was just a lightweight but one lad spent the entire night projectile vomiting into a bin he had dragged to the side of his bed. One thing I really cannot deal with is vomit. Hearing, seeing or smelling someone else throw-up makes my stomach churn and my gag reflex go!
4. Bed bugs
   Not once but twice I got bed bugs in Cambodia and had the pleasant experience of waking up wanting to scratch my skin off to find the little bastards crawling around the sheets. Nothing was sacred, at one point they went to town on my face and left me covered in itchy red welts all over my cheeks! The process of getting rid of the aggravating little critters was also an absolute ball-ache.
5. Biting ants
   Equally as uncomfortable but easier to get rid of, I have been the victim of ant bites whilst I slept and woke up to find them crawling all over me and my stuff. Where they came from and why I have no idea.
6. Dead animals
   I was staying in a private room at hostel and went to use my bathroom, I heard a squeaking sound coming from the doorway whilst I was mid-pee and panicked thinking that it was a rat. After closer inspection, I saw it was a little bird that had been squashed and now looked quite dead. I rather tearfully asked the staff to pick it up and move it for me.
7. Poo
   Shared bathrooms with multiple people can often result in less than savoury smells and sights. Some things can never be unseen. I often wonder on these occasions how on earth someone can manage to apparently shit out their internal organs but apparently not enough to notice and clean up after themselves? Or do some people get a kick out of leaving poo everywhere?
8. En-suite bathrooms with glass doors
   Why oh why would you make the en-suite shared bathroom of a mixed dorm from glass? Even though the glass was frosted, it was still incredibly awkward. If you walked past, you could see the blurred image of people on the toilet or in the shower.
9. Stolen clothes and toothbrushes
   There is nothing more frustrating than your items going missing! Especially when you suspect someone in your dorm is wearing your recently missing t-shirt, though they claimed to have coincidentally bought one just that day. Or the case of my disappearing and reappearing toothbrush which I was too scared to use again and promptly threw away – you never know, there are some sick people out there!
10. Smelly BO people
    Well, this needs no introduction and nobody wants to be sharing a space with someone with less than fragrant personal hygiene standards!
11. Girls using their hair dryers at 5 or 6 am
    Your vanity has reached new heights if you feel the overwhelming desire to blow-dry your hair in a dorm at 5 or 6am and wake everybody up. I once confronted a girl who exclaimed: “Well, I have a flight to catch!” Why in holy hell would you need to blow-dry your hair for a flight? Tie it up in a messy bun like the rest of us!
12. Drunks with no volume control
    Sometimes, you can stay in a dorm with a bunch of like minded respectful people and everything is just peachy. Other times you can end up with a bunch of teenagers (or even adults on occasion) who cannot handle their alcohol or their volume control and come charging in at all hours of the early morning, turning on lights, shouting, laughing and crashing into things. By all means, go out and do what you like, just make the effort to sneak back in quietly!