One of the most difficult things about being on the road for a long stretch of time is that life goes on without you. The world carries on turning. People get engaged, married, have babies (or even better…puppies!) get new jobs etc.
Even small things like missing a birthday can make you feel guilty and although I make an effort to send cards via Moonpig it’s a little impersonal and not the same as reaching out and giving someone a hug, a slice of cake or a poorly wrapped present.
The guilt intensifies for milestone birthdays, like missing my younger brother’s 18th, a friend’s 30th and my grandmother’s 70th. Sometimes I have moments where I feel emotional and wracked with guilt for missing out on these things.
When my cousin sends me photos of her giggling baby, I feel a little sad. She was pregnant when I left England and had her first baby about a month after. I’ve never met or held her, and by the time I get home she’ll probably be talking or even walking!
Missing things like weddings and funerals also cuts pretty deep because that’s not something that comes around every year like a birthday.
Unfortunately, I don’t have the money to go back and celebrate every occasion and there will probably never be a point in my life where nothing happens at all and I’m guaranteed to not miss out on anything.
The problem is, I’m already out here pursuing my dreams and if I went home, it’s unlikely I would return and finish what I started.